Brand New Me Day 1:
Was yesterday. I didn't exercise and I did eat poorly. The day started out semi-okay...I ate a bowl of Lucky Charms with my son in the morning and then had half of a chicken breast for lunch. That's all I had because it was prepared already, and it was easy to grab and eat at my desk. Dinner was pizza, of which I had about 4 pieces because I was so hungry. Snacktime rolled in around 8 o'clock and we made deep fried cauliflower, which of course you have to dip in cheese sauce. I also drank two glasses of grape Kool-Aid with it. Something's telling me to CRASH AND BURN before I even get started on my new improved self. WHATEVER! Today was too crazy busy to even add anything else, so I had to skip it. The plan has been moved to Monday, where the Brand New Me plan shall re-boot.

I'm also really wishing winter to be over. I'm sick of wearing two layers every day, boots instead of shoes, wishing my heater in my car was super powered, slippery roads and bad tires, and avoiding the grocery store because who wants to push a grocery cart out to their car in subzero temperatures and a snow packed parking lot? Not this Momma! I'm looking a little like Old Mother Hubbard here...

I'm considering running a 5K, which is huge because I've never been a runner. I would have under 3 months to prepare, which seems scary but should be enough time. I have so many changes that I want to make in my life and this is exactly what would boost me in the right direction. I need to eat better, sleep better, drink more water...
So here's what I vow to not do:
-I will not lose my balance on the treadmill and be shot off the back. At least not at the Y.
-I will not eat foods that cause gas before going to the Y. Especially particular brands of veggie burgers, which do this to me.
-I will not drive to the Y in my workout clothes but wearing slip-on shoes, as I have in the past.
-I will not walk past the bicycle rows when my legs are jelly from exhaustion and trip over someone's cord because I can't lift my feet, therefore erasing all of their workout info. Luckily the gal was nice to me afterwards...
-I will not worry if my workout pants are a little tight at first. They WILL get bigger. (or maybe it's the other way around? The butt gets smaller???)
-I will not get discouraged when my pre-teeny bopper daughters pass me up and become specks in the distance ahead of me.
-I will not wait all day to get my workout in without planning it, and then have it get too late.
-I will not give up this time. I will be a runner for life.

Now GOOOOOOOOOO!

Submitted a humorous how-to piece just moments ago...and now moving on to:

The Name Game


Rules: It's harder than it looks! Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . .nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.Have Fun!!

1. What is your name: Penelope (my pseudo name)
2. A four Letter Word: Puke, which thankfully it's been a long time since that has happened to anyone in my house! KNOCK ON WOOD! KNOCK ON WOOD! Oh yeah, we don't believe in superstitions.
3. A boy's Name: Paul, as in Bunyan.
4. A girl's Name: Pamela as in the actress from Mork & Mindy.
5. An occupation: Police, as in Po-Po, as the teenagers are referring to them.
6. A color: Peuce, which sounds awful but is quite pretty.
7. Something you wear: Pretty face, according to my middle child.
8. A food: Pot Roast which makes my home smell good and my son cry.
9. Something found in the bathroom: Paint for my face to disguise it for #7.
10. A place: Parking lot of Wal-Mart at night when it's dark and you're pushing your cart as fast as you can to your car, then you have to look under the car to be sure you won't get grabbed, get in and lock the doors as quickly as possible, and shoot out of there like a rocket!
11. A reason for being late: Pants were too tight, what could I do?
12. Something you shout: PLEASE STOP FIGHTING! (kids...doesn't usually work)
13. A movie title: Planes, Trains & Automobiles! Steve Martin, John Candy....can't go wrong.
14. Something you drink: Port wine. But I haven't, I don't think? I should research this one. Maybe later tonight.
15. A musical group: Pussycat Dolls. My daughter hates it that I actually like some of their songs. I'm supposed to be a MOM and listen to John Denver or something, I guess.
16. An animal: Parrot, which my son wants really, really bad and reminds me of a joke I once heard...
17. A street name: Pine Street, cuz it's so fun to name streets after trees!
18. A type of car: Porche, which I will one day drive.
19. A song title: Push It...push it real good! (or the other version...push it, push it-to the limit, limit..) (GREAT. Guess what I'll be singing all night now!)
20. A verb: Pluck, as in my eyebrows, which I shall now go do.

Things that gave off an invisible unpleasant aroma today:

1. Bronchitis of the middle child.
2. Lack of large payments owed to us in the mailbox.
3. $45 Co-Pay at the clinic.
4. Spam faxes.
5. Telephone Solicitors and people who thought my work line was a fax line and never figured it out. Let's hope they don't try again tomorrow.
6. Forgetting that I didn't have eggs before mixing up the meatloaf and creating meat mush instead.
7. Gas prices rising again.
8. My hair. Super bad hair day because I tried a little something new. It didn't work.
9. Dead fish floating around in the fish tank. This one would maybe not be an invisible unpleasant odor...I didn't check.
10. Trying to get my food processor to work for a half hour before I figured it out.

Things that gave off an invisible pleasing aroma today:

1. Answered prayers.
2. Spending the day with my Bronchitis Kid and making her laugh.
3. Seeing my beautiful, sweet, loving sister. She is the other me.
4. Eating an egg roll from the grocery store deli and drinking a Mt. Dew with it.
5. Making my son laugh when I told him he had to really try not to kiss his sister cuz she is sick. The kid hates kisses, so it was funny.
6. Buying Mika songs on itunes.
7. Facebook.
8. Remembering to take my vitamins.
9. Getting a car wash and not having my doors freeze shut.
10. Trying to tell my daughter what I had put in my salad and instead of saying cucumbers saying coupons. "I cut up some coupons and added them to my salad..." Mmmmmmmmmmm.
11. Crossing things off my to-do list.

Hello 30 degree ABOVE zero weather! It's soooo nice to see you again! We've missed you so. Ah yes, hello Fellow Minnesotans! Of course this is shorts weather! We're going through a heat wave, so definitely trade the winter coat in for a hooded sweatshirt! This is how we have been conditioned. This is what 50 below does to us after awhile.

Hello idiot ankle biter of mine! Stop urinating in your kennel and on my rug and get your teeny tiny butt outside to do your disgusting business. Especially now that it's not below zero. And by the way, stop barking every time a car goes by. And would you PLEASE just come to me when I call you? What I had hoped for, in you, was a dog that would play fetch and love to come jump on my lap. What you've given me is a dog who freaks out on my husband; barking like it's major stranger danger with a big bloody knife each and every time he comes home. Yeah, he has no knife, he feeds you daily, he's actually good to you. AND HE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BEGIN WITH! It was I who announced we would be getting you. It was he who protested until I told him he was NOT the pet nazi and I WANTED TO GET MYSELF A SWEETIE WEETIE LAP DOGGIE!

I'm soooo thrilled to hear that your breed generally lives around 13 years. I look forward to 11 more years of pee pee, poo poo, ear butchering barking, chasing you down if I want to put you outside or pet you, army crawling under beds to retrieve you from the darkest, farthest back corner when you cower and hide because surely we are about to eat you! If it weren't for three children who love you deeply, I'm sorta thinking that you would be adopted into another family. Just sorta. Don't tell the kids I said that, ok?

I have written two novels and am halfway through my third. My first novel was very rough and while it is done, it will have to be majorly edited and I've put it away for now. I once heard that a first novel should never see the light of day. However! I absolutely love it and with some polishing it could be a great mainstream book.

My second novel is contemporary romance and I have JUST submitted it to Firebrand Literary. Now I pray that they like it while I continue to work my way through my third book, which is more contemporary women's fiction. I'm having a blast writing this one!

I can't wait to finish it, though, because novel number four is really wanting to be written!!!!!!!! It will be another contemporary women's fiction and super duper fun!

Temperatures in my fine state today have been hitting a numbing 50 below!

So, my twelve year old daughter wants to wear a thong. Ummm, NO. Not as long as I'm buying your underwear and/or you're living in my house. Whichever comes later. Come to think about it, not until you're married. In fact, never. You can never wear a thong because you are my precious little girl and shouldn't even be thinking of thongs.

So, my ten year old daughter really should start wearing a bra. Not a big old bra with cups and all....just something to sorta smooth her out and protect her. However, the thought of this makes her cry, for real. It's horrifying to her and she hates it with all her might. Ummm, HONEY. It's not really an option, you WILL get used to them, and they AREN'T as bad as you're thinking they are.

I've got one daughter wanting a thong, one daughter not wanting a bra...one really wants to grow up and do whatever she wants, and one has told me she wishes she didn't have to. These girls are only 2 years apart! I think I'd like to make them both 11 instead. Put 'em right there in the middle where they're okay with the bra, but a thong isn't even on their radar yet! Is that possible?

Why do you suppose it is that you cannot find a single sled to buy in Minnesota in January? Well, I take that back - I did find ONE sled, which was ridiculously priced. Normally you can find all types of them for cheap. But you'd better get them before winter comes!!! With around 3 months left of sledding weather, good luck finding a sled! Tonight we went sledding down a very large hill. Fortunately, Wal-Mart still had snow boards, so those functioned as both sleds and snow boards. Merci, Wal-Mart...merci. We had to hit three stores before we went to Wal-Mart. Should've just gone there first, I reckon!

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1554121497/

This movie trailer made me laugh out loud! They do exaggerate the accent, and we don't all look and dress like that, but it's hilarious. I can't wait to see the movie!

I know this is long, but it's very funny!

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Doggone snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the idiot is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What?...is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his nose. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that goldarn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE WIFE is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? ~Author Unknown

I finished The Book Of Ruth and wasn't quite expecting what happened toward the end...I was a little shocked! I knew something was coming, but WOW! Now I'm looking for my next novel to devour. I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life as well, and loving that.

Last night I wrote the rough draft to 3 children's stories that have been banging around in my mind for quite some time. I'm pretty excited about them!

It is extremely cold!!! So cold that you get a nice surprise when you go to the bank drive-thru and can't roll your window down because it's frozen! So cold that the door leading outside in the garage is covered in frost and you risk losing some skin to open it! So cold that I haven't wanted to go grocery shopping in a month, so I stop for just a few things here and there and I'm losing weight due to lack of crappola! (that's actually a good thing!) It's so cold that I'm sitting here typing wearing: long underwear both on top and bottom, jeans, turtleneck sweater, wool socks, slippers, and a North Face Outerwear vest. I'm still shivering! We are having some furnace issues right now, so it kicks on here and there...when i just want it to continually blow HEAT on me. So such is winter wonderland in Minnesota.

A new story idea popped into my head this morning as I was driving. I had intended to listen to a sermon on the radio, and all I could think about was the new story idea. This is a common thing lately; driving in the morning when the ideas come. I'm cool with that! It's better than when I'm lying in bed cuz then I have to get up to write it down in fear of losing it in my sleep! I've got ideas popping out of my brain and that's a GREAT thing because I definitely don't struggle with writer's block.

My son is in the mood to ride his bike. He's been asking! Uhmmmm, well....you certainly CAN, my dear! In about 4 months! My daughter wants to start playing hockey and has been asking and kinda freaking out when I say not now. Uhmmmm, well....your dance lessons are already so expensive we can't afford hockey, NOR do we have even a fraction of time to do it! My other daughter wants to go on a trip next year with her dance group, and it's ONLY $1500!!! Uhmmm, well....better start fundraising, BABY! For YOU and for ME, cuz you certainly aren't going to Florida without me at age 13!!! Ahhhh, kids.

Lots of business meetings today! Been at it since early this morning, then had work, then had another late meeting that wrapped up around eight o'clock...got home and tucked all three darlings into bed....and am now going to finally do some writing. A full, productive day!

Today - I know this much is true;

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota :
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,

You might live in Minnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,

You might live in Minnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",

You might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,

You might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,

You might live in Minnesota.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,

You might live in Minnesota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You might live in Minnesota.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, You might live in Minnesota.

If you know how to say...Wayzata... Mahtomedi... Cloquet... Edina...and... Shakopee,

You might live in Minnesota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,

You might live in Minnesota.

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,

You might live in Minnesota.

You measure distance in hours,

You might live in Minnesota.

You know several people, who have hit deer more than once,

You might live in Minnesota.

You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,

You might live in Minnesota.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching,

You might live in Minnesota.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, You might live in Minnesota.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,

You might live in Minnesota.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,

You might live in Minnesota.

You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,

You might live in Minnesota.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,

You might live in Minnesota.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,

You might live in Minnesota.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,

You might live in Minnesota.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction,

You might live in Minnesota.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent,

You might live in Minnesota.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,

You might live in Minnesota.

If "Down South" to you means Iowa,

You might live in Minnesota.

You know "a brat" is something you eat,

You might live in Minnesota.

You find -10 degrees "a little chilly",

You might live in Minnesota.

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends,

You DO live in Minnesota. Or remember so very well. With maybe a tear in the eye?

I've been doing research tonight - trying to find a home for a short romance story that actually pays, doesn't charge a reading fee, and won't take a year to get back to me. Wish me luck! I've found some places to submit to.

Last week on christmas vacation while I was working the kids decided to write their own charades game. I had to get some of these down before throwing them away:

"Flushing the toilet"
"Be Chinese" (I'll have to talk to them about this one...)
"Be a car"
"Be a candle"
"Slapping your bare butt" (Again with the talk...)
"Freak"
"Set dowen" (Written by a first grader)
"Be bad" (First grader again)
"?" (First grader)
"Slapping an old lady" (WHAT???)
"Be Mom!" (I so wish I could've seen this one! Or do I?)
"Crapping in the toilet" (Ugggggggggggh)
"Be a hillbilly"
"dam" (Hmmm, this is first grader handwriting. Is it the type of dam at a park?)
"Acting like an angle" (I'm thinking they meant angel, but angle would be cool too...)
"Be a poopy turd" (What sort of kids am I raising? There's even an illustration on this one!)
"SS" (Hmmm, dunno. snake?)
"Poop" (Yep. First grader)
"Rob" (Because why? Hopefully not practice for our future!)
"Cry" (Easy)
"Drinking coffee" (which is probably the same as "Be Mom") (I hope)
"Plunging the toilet" (cuz we love us the potty humor)
"Cool" (Again, probably the same as "Be Mom")
And my favorite;
"portgiy portvilin" (First grader. I have no idea.)

Q: Why did Tigger look into the toilet?

A: Because he was looking for Pooh!


What a great day. We went to a waterpark and used up every ounce of our energy. Now everyone's asleep and I'm headed there soon. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I joined Facebook today. Catch the wave! I've been bugged to join for quite awhile and kept putting it off, but I think I'm going to like it! I've already connected with old friends.

Tomorrow I will complete a short romance story for submission. It's halfway done but I'm not creative tonight! I got the first half done last night. So - it will be my first submission of 2009. Let's get 'er done!

Last night was a blast, just as I knew it would be! Today I had the pleasure of going to see my Grandma and all of my aunts and uncles on my mom's side. The weather traveling there was awful. It normally takes an hour and I'd say we took about an hour and a half or so. Freezing rain, which turned to ice as it hit your windshield and the road, then lots of snow on top of that. We made it safely, as did everyone else. We enjoyed a good old Minnesota potluck! Ham, potatoes and gravy, 7 layer salad, hot dish, fruit salad....it goes on and on. Absolutely delicious, every dish! My mom and uncle were reminiscing, telling all sorts of old stories about growing up on the farm and many crazy things they did! My grandma hollered out "You RASCALS!" a couple times, learning NOW, at the age of 80, some of the things that they had done. Some great examples; my aunt and uncle once caught a bunch of bees and let them loose in the house. My aunt once caught a bee, removed the stinger and stuck it under my uncles shirt as he was sleeping, so when he woke up he thought he was going to get stung. My uncle ALMOST convinced his cousin that he could fly from the second floor of the barn. My dad pulled my uncle and his cousin behind his car....holding onto the bumper of the car, and also on a toboggan! There were many more fun stories.

Whenever I chew super strong gum, like Eclipse, for example, it makes me sneeze as soon as I start chewing it. I found out today that my Grandpa was the same way! So cool to learn that I share that strange characteristic with my SUPER AWESOME Grandpa, who passed away several years ago. He was so wonderful.

Tonight we read There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly along with other books at bedtime. It's been a long time since we pulled this one out and my kids were laughing so hard, though Hals kept saying, "Oh my GOSH! That's so morbid!" We all chorused "Perhaps she'll die!" Something folks don't usually say???

Today I had to work at my DAY JOB all day and was backed up due to holidays...so no writing business today. Tonight involves a belated New Year's celebration with a bunch of great friends, so I'm looking forward to it. My eyeballs didn't exactly bleed last night but I did get a lot of reading done. I recommend the book - it's a good read. I'm ready for Christmas Vacation to be over so the kids can get back to school, homework, friends, a schedule, and dance. It's time - they're going bonkers!

My heart goes out to John Travolta and Kelly Presley tonight, as do my prayers.

Had a blast last night with my sister and her kiddos, my family and my brother in-law. Very nice night. We played charades, then the game where you go around the circle listing off things in a category until you run out, (what's that called?) and told each other our most embarrassing moments. We watched the ball drop and hugged, and we ate way toooooo much. Yuck. I did the same thing with myself today as far as food goes. Today was relaxing and lazy. We watched The Dark Night with the late Heath Ledger, and hung out. I managed to get some writing tasks done; new e-mail addy strictly for writing and a new ezine account. I'm excited about the new year in front of us. I believe it is going to be a GREAT one!!!

I'm reading The Book Of Ruth by Jane Hamilton and having trouble putting it down. I do recommend it! I'm a fan of Jane's. I think I'm at a point where something bad is going to go down for the main character...and I sure do like that gal! Gonna go slip under the covers and READ till my eyeballs bleed!